Toon City, Spicy Edition
by Rock Raider
Summary: Set in Wormtail96's Toon City series, Moe of the Mos Eisley Cantina regales us with stories from people all over Toon City in a retelling of Ralph Bakshi's Spicy City. Warning, contains sex, violence, & cursing. Not for young people.


Disclaimer:I own nobody here. Moe belongs to Matt Greoning, Ralph & Hello Nurse belong to Warner Bros., Giovanni belongs to Gamefreak, the stories are the plots of Ralph Bakshi's Spicy City, & Toon City belongs to Wormtail96. I'm just doing this for kicks.

**Toon City, Spicy Edition.**

By:Rock Raider.

A seedy bar called "Mos Eisly Cantina" is shown from a bird's eye view. Latin music can be heard playing inside. A voice then starts speaking as the camera zooms in on it.

"I'm Moe." The voice, Moe's, says. "This is my bar, the Mos Eisly Cantina."

The camera then shows the inside of the bar, which shows various people dancing to the beats playing out of a jukebox showing a holographic image of a band playing Latin music.

"It's your basic hole-in-the-wall seedy bar. We got no qualms about who we let in & out. We've seen 'em all. Big business men who neglect their families, crooks looking to lay low 'till the heat winds down, typical working guys, frat boys trying to drink underage, you name it." Moe's voice says. While he is speaking, the camera scrolls to the left along the scene of people dancing. Eventually it comes to the bar, behind which a yellow-skinned man in a gray apron, pants, & a gray-ish blue shirt is shown cleaning a glass. The camera uts to the man who looks at the screen & begins speaking in Moe's voice, making him Moe. "You ever wanna come here, you'll have to look us up. We're basically on the edge of the uptown area, just outside the rough parts. Right on the border between rich & poor, Heaven & Hell, good & evil." Moe says. He then turns his head to his right & spits in a nearby spittoon before turning back to the camera & resuming the cleaning of his glass. "Though these days those words have basically lost all meaning." He then looks out into the dancing crowd & sees 8 people dancing to the beat. An irken, 2 rabbits, a robot, a guy in a black suit with orange hair, a cyborg in a purple trenchcoat & wizard's hat, a teen in a black hooded sweater, mask, & goggles, & a short goth girl.

"You see those guys?" Moe asks as the camera pans out, showing him looking at them. "Yeah, they're the shipping crew of Pete Express. They got their share of stories to tell." Moe then turns back to look at the camera. "But the thing is, there's more to Toon City than them." The camera pans to the side of the camera opposite Moe, the camera trained on Moe. Moe puts the mug on a shelf in the counter & turns his attention to the camera, putting his elbow on the counter. "You see, Toon City is a big place, full of hundreds of different faces, each with their own story to tell. Sometimes they come here for a drink, & end up sharing their stories with me. You could say I'm like a living storybook. I know a lot of stories about the people of Toon City, though some stick out in my mind more than others." Moe then raises a finger. "Here's 1 for example." The camera then cuts back to show the entire counter. Moe raises his right hand in a presenting manner out towards the bar, causing the camera to scroll back across scenes of the people dancing.

"It's the story of Bumblebee Man." Moe said as the camera scrolled. "The phaaaaatest congera this side of the equator. I tell ya, that guy was something else." The camera then showed a grey fox in a black suit dancing with a red very buxom vixen in a pink dress. "The rhythm he belted out with those things was irresistible." The camera then went back to Moe who was looking out at the crowd. "Talented kid, Bumblebee Man." He said, then looked back at the camera. "But even the best talent needs people who love it to back it up." The camera then pans over to the holographic band as it wraps up its song. Clapping is then heard, & the camera pans back to Moe, who's clapping softly.

"Ladies & Gentleman, give the boys a hand." Moe announces. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Moe's face as he looks over at it. "They'll need at least 1 when this thing is over."

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A bird's eye view of Toon City is shown accompanied by bongo music. A mosquito then flies into view & the camera begins following it. It flies down into the city into an open window of an apartment building. It flies up to a dancing woman with orange hair in a green shirt, who shrieks when she sees it, & begins running, with the mosquito following her. The mosquito then gets chased out of the room by her white dog. It flies down a hallway towards a girl koopa with a pink shell & bow in her head. She turns around & sees the mosquito flying at her, & shrieks in fright. She then proceeds to run to the end of the hall with the mosquito behind her. It lands on her bow, making her stop in shock, then flies through a crack in the wall, taking the koopa's bow with it. It then flies down to a club that the bongo music seems to be emenating from. It flies into the club, dodging swatting hands all along the way in fright, until it comes to a place where a lot of people are dancing. The song ends & the people in the crowd cheer the player. The mosquito, feeling very into the music, flies over & lands on 1 of the congos, where he is immediately crushed & killed by the player, a latino man in a bumblebee suit. He puts his hands up, not knowing that they're all bloody, as the people cheer him on. He puts 1 hand on his waist & pats the top of his head with the other, before putting it out in a presenting position to his nearby band. He then puts his hands out to the crowd, showing them to the crowd as they cheer him on. He then begin playing again, & the crowd starts dancing lively again. However, there is a large man in the crowd who isn't dancing.

He is a large fat man in a security guard's uniform. He has a 5 0' clock shadow & a dopey expression plastered on his face. He is looking around at the people dancing. He notices his fingers are beginning to snap. He lets them snap for a while before he grabs them. He looks up at the man onstage, looking at his hands playing the bongo drums. Then he looks down at his own hands. He examines them a little bit, before stuffing them in his pocket & going back to watching the dancing crowd. A buxom girl with wavy blonde hair & a short red dress dances out of the crowd & up to the fat man.

"Come on, Ralph." The girl said, pleadingly, wrapping her hands around the man, Ralph's arm. "Don't you wanna dance with me?" She asked.

"Big Giovanni didn't say nothin' 'bouts no's dancin', y'know." Ralph simply said. The girl became disappointed at this & sighed.

"Later, coponjera." She said, the second word being in spanish. Ralph simply watched her dance off, then walked over to a table at the side of the bar between a short man in a gray suit & tall hat, & a large dopey-looking man in the same ensemble, but tope, & sat between them. The short man smirked at him.

"Hey, Ralph." He said. "Pretty smooth."

"Yeah, Rocky." The large dim man said. "Ralph's real cool with the ladies." Ralph just scowled at them before looking forward. Meanwhile, the girl Ralph shot down had danced his way to the congera's view. At that, he had his eyes completely fixated on her as she danced to his rhythm. She then opened her eyes, looking at him, then blinked. As she danced & he played, Moe walked up behind the congera.

"Ain't she a beaut." Moe said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "You picked yourself a real looker."

"Si, senior." The congera replied, staring at the girl who blinked at him. "I can see her blood moving." Moe stared at her for a little while.

"Heh, all I can see is her ass." Moe replied. "I'd watch my back if I were you. That chick's property of Big Giovanni." The congera seemed unphased by this & continued watching her.

"Yeah yeah, this whole town belongs to Big Giovanni." The congera replied. "I'm just making her dance, amigo." Moe just stared for a while.

"Right." He said. "Well, since I can't make you change your mind, I can at least tell you to be careful & watch your hands." Moe then turned & looked back over at the congera. "See ya." He said before he walked off. The congera simply continued to play.

Later, after the party, the girl who eyed the congera opened up a door, walking into a bathroom. Once the door closed, it opened up once again, the congera standing in it with his back against the side of the door, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hey, chica." He said, getting the girl's attention. "That was some crazy dancing you did back there. It's like you were trying to call up some spirits & shit." The girl looked back at him.

"& you are?" She simply asked, sounding annoyed that he intruded on her. The congera simply chuckled at this & got off the door, fully facing her.

"My name is Pedro, they call me Bumblebee Man. Because my hands fly across the congo drums like a bee." The man, Bumblebee Man, replied. The girl looked down at his hands, noticing the blood all over them. Bumblebee Man simply chuckled at this. "Don't worry about that, chica." He said. "I like it what they bleed." While he talked, the girl took 1 of his hands in hers, brought 1 of the bloody fingers up to her mouth, & closed her lips around it, sucking all the blood off & swallowing it. She brought the finger out of her mouth, let go of his hand, & then smiled at him.

"My name is Lana Lockhart." The girl, Lana, said. "They call me "Red" because of my penchant for red dresses." Bumblebee Man smiled at her.

"Can I call you Red Beans?" He asked. Lana became confused at this statement.

"Why?" She asked. Bumblebee Man chuckled at this.

"That's what I felt like eating when I saw you dancing." He replied. Lana chuckled at this.

"Come visit me." Lana replied. "I work after hours at the Gildroni." She then started to walk off. Bumblebee Man turned to look at her with a smooth grin on her face.

"What's Big Giovanni gonna say?" He asked. Lana, obviously not pleased by this statement, looked back at him.

"Hey!" She stated. "Big Giovanni doesn't own me! I can do whatever the fuck I want! Do you see that?!" Bumblebee Man chuckled at this & walked over to her.

"Vamanos away, Red Beans." He said. "We'll see." With that, Bumblebee Man wrapped his arms around her torso from behind. Lana looked back at Bumblebee Man smiling, & brought her hand up to his cheek.

"I guess we will, Mr. Bumblebee Man." She replied coolly. She then gave him a kiss on the lips, which surprised him. He released her from his grip & she walked off. Bumblebee Man watched her with a smile on his face. A while after she was out of the room, Bumblebee Man let out a cheer.

"EPAH!!" He cheered, then raised his hands in the air & fell to his knees. "At last things are starting to happen for me!!" He declared. However, shortly after he declared that, the door burst open, showing Ralph & the 2 people from the table he sat at standing in the door.

"Mano, mi amigo." The short man, Rocky, said. "You missed your appointment this week." He then began walking towards Bumblebee Man. "Big Giovanni missed you. You know how he feels about you, right?" He stopped right next to Bumblebee Man & looked him square in the eye. "I hope you wasn't trying to make time wit dat broad, Lana. He wouldn't like to hear dat. I wouldn't like to hear dat." Bumblebee Man however was not phased by this & glared down at Rocky.

"Heh." He said, getting back up on his feet & pointing at Rocky. "Tell Big Giovanni I see him after the set, ok?" He said, then went to walk off, but hit somebody in the belly. He looked up & saw he walked right into Ralph, who leered down at him, growling. Bumblebee Man stepped back some & Rocky walked up behind him.

"You're not gonna make da set, mahito." Rocky stated.

Later, a hovercar was seen infront of the club. Rocky, Ralph, & the third man were seen coming out of the bar with Bumblebee Man tied up & gagged, mumbling through the tape on his mouth. The got to the car & walked over to the trunk. Rocky turned to the third man.

"Open it, Mugsy." He said.

"Okay, Rocky." The man, Mugsy, said. The put the key in the trunk lock, turned it to unlock the door, & then opened it, tossing Bumblebee Man inside & slamming the trunk shut. The 3 then got into the car & drove off. Later, the hovercar was shown in a back alley. Rocky opened up the trunk again, & Ralph pulled him out. They walked into a room with only a chair & table & carried Bumblebee Man over to the table. He plunked him in the chair & ripped the tape off of his mouth.

"What the fuck is going on here!?" Bumblebee Man demanded, looking around. "Where the fuck is Giovanni!? I want to talk to Big Giovanni!!" Rocky chuckled at this.

"Don't worry about Big Giovanni, amigo." He said, walking up to Bumblebee Man. "He has to take care of this &… " He paused to pull a butcher knife out of the table. "We're gonna take care of you." Rocky swung the knife in front of Bumblebee Man's face. "Ralph, da hands." Rocky replied. However, Ralph was too fixated on the hands. Everything else seemed to sound like it was in a dream sequence. "Da hands, Ralph. Da hands!" Rocky said to Ralph. Bumblebee Man also talked to Ralph.

"What the fuck!?" Bumblebee Man shouted. "Why the fuck are you staring like that?!" Back in reality, Bumblebee Man continued to shout. "Whatchu doing, you arrhythmical mani kong!?" He demanded as Ralph grabbed his hands & forced them down onto the table. "Hey!" Bumblebee Man shouted.

"Maybe we will just take the hands for Giovanni." Rocky said.

"Stop." Bumblebee Man said. "Stop joking, man, ok? You don't need the hands."

"Gee, I don't know, Rocky." Mugsy said. "Those hands sure can play a good song."

"Ok, ok, look." Bumblebee Man said, his words still only half-heard by Ralph. "Guys. I'll do the next delivery for free, ok?"

"No good, Bumblebee Man." Rocky said in reality. "You fucked up the last delivery." He jabbed the butcher knife up Bumblebee Man's nostril. "Most of it went in your fucking nuts."

"Bull crap ulta!" Bumblebee Man shouted, pulling his face away from the knife, taking it out of his nose. "You assholes are bluffing!! You can't cut off my hands!!" Ralph however, was still fixated on the hands in a trance-like state, & only heard Bumblebee Man's words in an echo. "These hands make more money for Big Giovanni in 1 night than you bring in in a fucking year!!" Bumblebee Man continued to shout back in reality. "You cut 'em off & he'd kill you!!" Bumblebee Man then began taunting Ralph. "Oh yes!" He said. "Go on, cut 'em off!! Da dreo marikong, I dare you!!" He then pushed his face right into Ralph's. 'Dickless, two left, lead-footed, orphaned-at-birth… " Bumblebee Man didn't say another word. Instead, he snorted, horked, & spat a loogie right in Ralph's face. This seemed to do it for Ralph. He reached over, grabbed the knife right out of Rocky's hand, & raised it in the air.

"Hey, Ralph!" Rocky said, sounding afraid. "What are you doing?"

"No, Ralph!" Mugsy shouted. "No!" However, Ralph didn't listen. He brought the knife straight down on Bumblebee Man's wrists.

"NOOOOOOOO!!" Bumblebee Man shouted. The knife went straight through Bumblebee Man's wrists, chopping his hands off in one fell swoop. The hands fell to the floor. "Ah, AHH, NOOOOOO!!" Bumblebee Man shouted, staring at the fresh stumps where his hands were. Rocky & Mugsy stared at what Ralph did, looks of utter horror present on their faces.

"I don't believe it, Ralph." Rocky said, clutching his hat. "You did it."

"Ooh." Mugsy said. "Big Giovanni's not gonna like this."

However, the hands did something unexpected. They rolled onto their palms & sprung to life. Using their fingers as legs, they looked right up at the 3 mobsters.

"Wha!?" Rocky said. "They're alive!?" He asked, clearly confused & frightened. One hand leapt up & latched on to Rocky's face. The other leapt up at Mugsy, both hands pummeling a mobster each. Ralph simply watched the hands beat the others into the ground, not sure what to do. At that, Bumblebee Man leapt out of the chair, getting Ralph's attention.

"That's right, man!!" Bumblebee Man shouted, shoving his stumps in Ralph's face. "They're gonna get you too once they're done with your amigos!!" He then fell to his knees. "They're just saving you for dessert!!" Ralph became very frightened at this. He began walking backwards towards the car a bit, before turning & running towards the car while Bumblebee Man continued to weep. Ralph opened up the car door, & turned his head to notice the hands running straight towards him. He climbed into the car, rolled up the windows before the hands could leap in, & drove off. He took a sharp right turn up a road. He continued to drive, trying to get away from the hands. However, they planted themselves right on his windshield, frightening him.

"D'yaaaaah!" Ralph screamed. He made another sharp turn to get the hands off the car. However, they grabbed onto the radio aerial, hanging on so as not to lose their target. Ralph made yet another sharp turn, causing the hands to fly off the aerial, straight into a dumpster, the lid slamming shut. Ralph drove off in the hovercar.

Later, in a lavish-looking building, Ralph was in a fancy-looking receptionist area with pink floors & blue walls, several attractive women at desks, & an escalator leading up to what is assumedly Big Giovanni's office. Ralph is standing at a desk with a woman in a black uniform with a big red R on the shirt, her dark blonde hair in 2 pigtails, & pink triangle-shaped earrings on her… ears, sitting behind the desk.

"Mr. Giovanni." The woman said to her boss' image on her computer. "Mr. The Guard is here to see you." The scene cuts to the other end of the transmission, which shows the back of a man's head in a chair staring at the woman's image on the screen.

"Ralph?" He asks. He then points to the screen. "Send him in!" The woman nods at the screen before ending the transmission. Back in the reception room, the woman begins looking down at her hand & begins filing her nails.

"Go on up." She said half-heartedly to Ralph. Ralph, clutching his hat in his hands, walked over to the escalator stairs & began riding them up. The man watched Ralph ride the stairs up.

"You don't look so good, Ralph." The man commented, causing Ralph to look nervously at the camera. "What's wrong, pal of mine?"

"The handses." Ralph said nervously to the camera as it followed him.

"What hands?" The man asked.

"Bumblebee Man'ses handses." Ralph said, fearful of the reaction.

"The fuck are you talking about?" The man asked.

"Bumblebee's Man'ses handses was… " Ralph continued to the cameras following him up the escalator. "They uh, they uh, they uh, uh… They ran off justs likes that."

"Where's Bumblebee Man?" The man asked. Ralph turned his head up to the door, trying to avoid the gaze of the camera.

"Stills ins the warehouse." Ralph said. He turned back to the camera & pointed his thumb behind himself. "He gots me mad &, his handses gots me mad, &… " Ralph continued as the escalator went to a conveyor belt that took him down a hall.

"Why isn't be banging on his bongos drums & making us more money?" The man's voice asked. The conveyor took Ralph towards a door marked with "B G". Ralph turned around & stared nervously at a camera near the door.

"I, uuuuuuuuuuhhhh… " Ralph said. "I's chopped offs his hands, BG." At this statement, the man pushed a button & the doors shot open, & the conveyor belt shot Ralph right into the room. As soon as he got in there, Ralph was may eye-to-angry eye with a man in an orange suit. He had a clean brown haircut, & an angry look on his face. This man is obviously Big Giovanni.

"WHAT!?" Big Giovanni shouted right into Ralph's face?

"H-he calleds me, arrhythmic." Ralph said nervously, shrugging. The man however, didn't seem phased.

"You ARE arrhythmic, you asshole." Big Giovanni said coolly, despite the fact that he was very angry. "Ever seen yourself dance? But what do you care? You didn't have to chop off his fucking hands." Big Giovanni then pressed a button on his chair causing it to hover above Ralph. "You guys were supposed to find my lost merchandise, not damage more of my assets, you freak!" As he said this, he was hovering low over Ralph, making him crouch. He then pushed his face back into Ralph's. "I swear to you, Ralph!" He said, a little bit louder, shoving his finger in Ralph's face. "If you want to breathe another breath, you better go find those hands, you fuck!!" At this, Big Giovanni pulled back, still staring angrily at Ralph. His chair began hovering back behind his desk. "By Friday," Big Giovanni said as his chair hovered. "Those hands better be back on Bumblebee Man's arms, 'cause I've got a shitload of customers coming to see him play." With that, the man was seated back behind his chair. He pressed a button on his desk, causing his doors to swing open, & the conveyor belt to shoot backwards. Ralph is shot out of the room, & sent back to the top of the stairs where the conveyor belt stops. Ralph manages to sit up, as the shock of the speed sent him on his back, but that is all that he has time to do, as right there & then, a trap door opens beneath him, sending him going straight down.

"AAAAAAH!!" Ralph screams as he falls. At the same time, Bumblebee Man is seen screaming the same scream as he wakes up in a bedroom under blue covers. Lana, hwo was in a red chair next to the bed, sees Bumblebee Man scream awake & gets up to go over to him.

"Oh, it's okay." Lana says, sitting on the bed next to him. She then proceeds to calm him by shushing him & softly stroking his arm. She then cups his face in her hands & makes him look at her. "It's me, Red Beans, baby." She says in a comforting tone. "It's me."

"I dreamt my hands were gone." Bumblebee Man said, taking his arms out from under the sheets. He gets a good look at them, & realizes they really are gone.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" He shouts & then collapses back onto the bed. "I was gonna pay that fucker." He weeped. "I swear I was gonna pay him in full!" Lana put a comforting hand on his chin as he continued crying, & softly brought him to look at her. "& I was gonna go somewhere else to start fresh." The camera then cuts up to Lana's face from below.

"Giovanni sent Ralph to find the hands, so you just relax." Lana told him. "De grito chulo mi rira, until the hands show up, & Giovanni calls you, ok?"

"Hhh." Bumblebee Man wheezed annoyed. "Moronga." He said. "He couldn't find his own pecker." He sniffled, then turned to look at Lana. "Hey, what's with this Giovanni?" Bumblebee Man asked. "Why can't you call him Big Giovanni like everybody else?" Lana looked up & stood up from the bed, walking off a bit. "I just can't see that big, nasty, stuck-up, short-tempered, pompous thumb carumb touching you." Lana stopped & looked over her shoulder at Bumblebee Man. She then began walking back over to him.

"Let's just say that I never licked blood off his pompous thumbs." Lana said. However, this didn't comfort Bumblebee Man.

"AAAHH!!" Bumblebee Man shouted, throwing his stumps up, throwing the blankets off his body in the process. "I ain't even got no thumbs!!" He said as he got off the bed & began walking towards the window. "They're out there, somewhere." He said, pointing his stumps out the window. He then put them down on the windowsill. "We gotta go looking for them."

"We could try the chop shops." Lana said, walking towards Bumblebee Man.

"Well we better do it soon." Bumblebee Man said as Lana walked up to his side. He got up off the windowsill, his eyes fixated out the window. The camera cuts to the outside of the window staring in at Bumblebee Man & Lana. "If those hands are left free for too long, they're gonna go crazy!" He said. The camera scrolls to the left, out to the city. "THEY GOTTA HAVE THEY'RE MUSIC, MIHA!! THEY GOT TO PLAY!!" Then dissolves to a scene of several people running out of a music store screaming. Inside, Bumblebee Man's hands are each clutching a drumstick & banging on the drums while people watch on in fright from behind the counter, dodging flying musical instruments. Then shows a swirling newspaper scene with a headline reading "MYSTERIOUS HANDS DEMOLISH MUSIC STORE". Then shows the outside of an apartment where a male voice is heard.

"Woah, man, where you come from?" The voice asks. Then cuts to the outside of the a window with a silhouette against it showing the hands fighting over a guitar with a man. "Hey man, stop that." The man's silhouette shouts "That's a genuine Carlos Sontana from 1998, man." The silhouette manages to get the hands off the guitar. However, the hands then lunge at his throat. "AAAAAAHH!!" The silhouette shouts as he falls back. Another spinning paper scene is hear with the title this time reading "HANDS KILL MUSICIAN!!!" with a smaller title reading "ROCK GUITARIST STRANGLED!" Then it spins into another newspaper, with the headline reading "RAMPAGE! MYSTERY-MITTS MERCILESSLY MURDERIN' MUSICIANS!" with a smaller headline reading "POLICE SEE PATTERN UNFOLDING".

"I told you there'd be Hell to pay." Big Giovanni's voice is heard saying. The newspaper then goes down, showing Big Giovanni reading it in a hot tub, still with an angry look on his face. "Those fucking hands miss Bumblebee Man." He says, looking upward into a video phone. On the other end, Ralph is on a street corner, talking to a hovering robot holographically projecting Big Giovanni's face in front of Ralph. "Why the hell can't you catch up with them, dickhead!?" He asks, the robot using an arm to poke Ralph.

Ralph looks down as if rummaging for something. "Boss, I's got a lead." He said, bringing up a newspaper & pointing to it.

"What kind of a lead is a three-day-old newspaper, you stupid son-of-A JACKASS BITCH!?!?" Big Giovanni angrily asks, shaking his own fist at Ralph. Back on Ralph's end, the robot projecting Big Giovanni's image began using the arm to poke on the top of Ralph's head. "You!" Big Giovanni said. "Go visit that Hello Nurse bitch who does all that voodoo shit, & you better get Bumblebee Man & those hands back together, FAST!!" Big Giovanni shouted the last word, the robot shaking its fist.

"Okays, boss I'm on it." Ralph said, running off. Back at Big Giovanni, he turns off the holo-phone, & puts his hands on the top of his head.

"Iced on a bun." He says, then submerges himself in the water.

In a rather African-looking room, a woman is seen standing in front of a table with a computer covered in voodoo decorations, a phone, & a chicken on it. The woman has a very attractive curvy built & short blonde hair. She has on a nurse outfit. She grabs the chicken by the neck & raises the knife to the chicken's neck. The camera cuts to a scene of the phone, & the sound of a knife cutting & a chicken cucawwing are heard as blood drips on the floor & feathers rain down. The woman hen hears the computer beeping & looks over at it. The screen flashes green & some pop-ups appear on it. Then the pop-ups close & a message appears on the computer's screen.

"Someone's coming." The computer says in a female voice. The woman then looks over to the door. On the outside, Ralph is walking down the hall until he comes to a corner and stops at a door at it. He brings his fist up & knocks on the door.

"Who's that knocking at my door?" The woman's voice asked on the other side.

"Big Giovanni sents me." Ralph said, looking through the peephole. He then began listening as he heard footsteps coming towards the door. The door opened & the woman in the nurse's outfit, who is very obviously Hello Nurse, is seen standing there, looking at Ralph with a smile.

"Aaah, I've never seen you." Hello Nurse said. "When did you start working for Big Giovanni?"

"Th-that doesn't matter." Ralph said, trying to steer back on topic. "Wheres ares the handses?" Hello Nurse simply laughed at this.

"Sound a little desperate there." She said. She turned & walked over to her computer, still talking to Ralph. "Sounds like Big Giovanni is going to feed his Granbulls if somebody doesn't come up with a pair of the most beautiful hands you've ever seen." She looked back at Ralph. "Or ever will see." Ralph simply looked up & smiled, feeling a light shine down on him as if it were from heaven, & even hearing Angels singing. However, it was short lived & he steered back on-topic.

"Handses are hands." Ralph said. "Now let's goes find them."

"Oooooh., not that easy, baby." Hello Nurse said, then sat at her computer & began typing away. "When Bumblebee Man was a kid, his mother came to me." A picture af a woman with a child appeared on the screen. "She had dreams for her baby. Paid me crazy money to ensure his future. All the music lessons in the WORLD couldn't produce a pair of hands like I did." She then stopped typing & turned to Ralph. "Now, where were the hands last?" She asked. Ralph looked at her.

"Uuh." He said, then brought up a newspaper of the hands at the music store. "Latin Rhythm Music Stores."

"Aww, not anymore." Hello Nurse said, going back to her typing. Images of an overhead view of the city flashed on the screen. "Work for me, Ureba." She said to the computer. Images of the overhead map of the city continued to flash on the screen until it stopped on one location. It then brought up a word bubble-like sign pointing to one of the buildings, showing a fancy-looking sign reading "Escpobar Social Club". The building the sign pointed to was highlighted by a flashing red star appearing over it. Hello Nurse & Ralph looked at the computer. "They just offed El Ray at the Escobar Social Club." She then looked over at Ralph. "We've got a lot of ground to cover."

"That little computer can tells yous all that?" Ralph asked.

"Hmm, well." Hello Nurse answered. It's not telling me why somebody would chop the hands off the best congo player in Toon City. Feels like somebody might have a complex, heh heh heh heh heh." She chuckled. "You love fingers, baby." She said, looking at Ralph, who was in no mood for this.

"Shut up, lady!" He said. "Now let's goes find those hands, or else we'll both be in trouble!" The computer spoke up.

"La cabra que rompe el tambor tendrá que pagar con su piel." It said. Ralph turned to Hello Nurse for answers.

"Whats did it say?" He asked. Hello Nurse turned to face him, putting her hands on her hips.

"The goat who breaks the drum will have to pay with his skin." She answered.

"But this goat's hands are too big to hold a chicken neck." The computer then quipped. Ralph stared at the computer as it said this. He then put his hands behind his back as the computer continued.

"Ralph The Guard." The computer said.

"Huh?" Ralph said, confused, looking over at the computer. It brought up an image of his face.

"Caucasian born in California." The computer said. "Raised in a trailer park outside of Burbank. Always wanted to be a piano player, but could never figure out the rhythm. His hands… " Hello Nurse smirked back at Ralph as he turned to face her.

"Ok, so's yous knows me." He said. "Now can wes goes looks for the hands?" He asked. Hello Nurse took his hands as he brought them out.

"Those hands are a powerful tool." She said. Ralph was greatly confused by this?"

"A tools?" he asked.

"Don't worry!" Hello Nurse said coolly, taking her hand around Ralph's head. "The hands will come to us. We just need to give you some confidence, love." Ralph settled into this at first, but got nervous & began to back off, Hello Nurse following him.

"I's gots all the confidence I's needs." Ralph said. Hello Nurse simply smirked at him.

"So why do you get so scared when I get close to you?" Hello Nurse asked, snaking her hands around the collar of Ralph's shirt. Ralph however, pushed her off him.

"Yeah, gettings close to me's, don't flatters yourselfs." Ralph said. Hello Nurse however leaned forward to him.

"I'm touching you." She said. "& you don't even know it."

"Uh, rights." Ralph, said, putting his hands up. "Whatevers yous says." Hello Nurse however, laughed at him as he continued to back into a chair.

"See how you fidgit as I get close to you?" She asked. Ralph had now back into the chair, falling into the seat.

"Holds your horses, lady." He said, his hands still up as Hello Nurse walked up to him. "You's was hireds to find Bumblebe Man'ses hands, nots to gets close to me." Hello Nurse however, sat in Ralph's lap, looking him eye-to-eye.

"Can't you see why Big Giovanni sent you to me?" She asked, unzipping the back of her uniform & pulling down the top, giving Ralph a view of her breasts concealed in a bra. "He wants to make a man out of a boy." She continued, slipping her uniform the rest of the way off.

"I'm already's a man." Ralph said.

"In body." Hello Nurse said, taking off both their hats. "Let me look at your soul." With that, Hello Nurse pulled Ralph into a kiss. She then grabbed Ralph's groin, causing him to flail a little in surprise & lean the chair back. Eventually, he pushed the chair so far back that it fell on its back. Ralph & Hello Nurse's giggling was next heard.

_**WARNING:Lemon coming up. If you are under 18, skip down. If not, read on.**_

Ralph reached up & grabbed Hello Nurse's breasts, caressing them some. Then he pulled down the straps of her bra, then fully yanked the bra down, exposing her rack to his eyes. Hello Nurse responded in kind by pulling off Ralph's shirt & tie. Ralph then grabbed her panties & pulled them down off of her. Hello Nurse then unbuttoned & unzipped Ralph's pants & undid his belt, pulling them all down off him. Once both were naked, Hello Nurse pushed herself into Ralph, pushing him down into the floor. Ralph's eyes shot open from pleasure before closing again. Ralph then proceeded to bob his head up & down from pleasure. Flowers then began to blossom around Ralph & the floor turned green from grass. Silhouettes of Hello Nurse & Ralph were then shown in a jungle. Hello Nurse raised herself off Ralph, sitting on his groin area. She then proceeded to bounce up & down on him. Ralph continued to bob his head from the pleasure he felt from what Hello Nurse was making him feel. The Hello Nurse silhouette then turned into a lion silhouette & pounced on him like she was about to attack him. Ralph's silhouette then turned into a lion & pounced on her.

"Oooooh, baby!" Hello Nurse shouted. The 2 lion silhouettes then came back into view with the lion mating the lioness in the usual fashion. "Can you feel the love tonight." Hello Nurse said.

_**Lemon done.**_

Back in Hello Nurse's apartment, Hello Nurse's upturned couch was seen rocking a little. However, her computer then started beeping.

"Okay, okay, I'm up!" Hello Nurse shouted, coming up from behind the couch & resting her arms on it. Ralph rose up behind her, looking like he had a time.

"Tengo conseguí las noticias para ti." The computer said. Ralph then fell back. The camera then shows the computer showing a picture of the hands underneath the words "HANDS LOCATED".

"Have I got news for you." The computer then continued.

In a seedy-looking part of town, a white anthropomorphic rabbit with blonde wavy hair in pink silk with the playboy symbol on it was walking down a street. She stopped on a sidewalk & took a puff of a cigarette. She looked around a little bit before she looked down, causing her eyes to widen in surprise. Bumblebee Man's hands were there, looking up at her. She breathed out a puff of smoke, & leaned over to look at them.

"Hey, mister." She said. "You're kinda cute." With that, the hands walked up to her. The camera then fades to a shot of factory pistons going up & down.

"Yes, that's it. Oh!" The woman's moans sounded. Then cut to a shot of the large meat grinder. "Oh yes. Rgh!" Then cuts to a shot of pig carcasses on conveyor belts coming out of a machine that cut them up with blue lasers. "Yes, baby, yes. That's it." Then cuts to the cut up pig carcasses being dropped into the meat grinder off the conveyor belt. "Baby, that's it right there." Then cuts back to the pistons, which have sped up. "Ooh wee, uh." Then cuts to the meat grinder with pig carcasses falling into it. "Right there. Oh!" Then cuts back to the pistons, which are now going even faster. "Uh, ooh, yeah, baby!" Then cuts to the part of the line that squeezes the ground meat up as sausage. "Oh!" Later, the rabbit & Bumblebee Man's hands were lying in a pile of sausage. The rabbit took a long puff from her cigarette, & then held out her hand, offering the cigarette to Bumblebee Man's hands. The left hand however simply wags a finger at her.

"Well." She said, taking a puff from her cigarette. "That was kind of fun. Now where's my money?" Bumblebee Man's hands tensed up & looked at each other, realizing they don't have any money, then looked at her & shrugged. The rabbit then looked over at the hands. "I'm not playing, cutie." She said. "Where's my money?" They just simply showed her their empty palms. "Maybe you didn't hear me." She said, then looked directly at the hands. "Where the fuck is my money!?" At this, the hands leapt up & then ran off. "Hey!" She shouted, leaping up after them. "Come back here, you deadbeat!"

Meanwhile, outside the front doors of the plant, Ralph's hovercar was seen pulling up. It hovered into the space in front of the doors before stopping & descending down, pulling out the wheel-like landing gear. Ralph sat in the driver's seat, with Hello Nurse in the seat next to his.

"This is the place." Hello Nurse said. Ralph looked over at the doors of the plant, which had "Dino's Sausage Works" written on the windows of the door. Ralph pulled the key from the ignition.

"Ralph, don't let us down." Hello Nurse said to Ralph, who looked over at her & nodded. Meanwhile, back inside the plant, the hands were hiding in the meat from the angry bunny to whom they owed money. They both peeked out from behind a pig carcass for any sight of the woman. They looked left, then right. Not seeing any sight of her, the right hand turned left & began to run. However, at that moment, the bunny leapt out & snatched him.

"Gotcha!" She shouted. "Try to bolt on me, will you?" She then ran off with the hand in her clutches. She stopped at a large lever that controlled how fast the machines operated, placed the hand on the conveyor belt next to it, & pulled it down to "fast", causing the machines to speed up. The left hand saw her as she laughed evilly, then ran off. The hand inside the machine leapt inside one of them, used the skills Bumblebee Man had them use to bang bongo drums, to jump between the blue lasers cutting up the pig carcasses, causing them all to miss him. When he came out, he saw he was on a conveyor belt above one of the large meat grinders. It stopped just in time, turning & running the other way. However, the conveyor belt was simply too fast for it, & it fell in. Luckily it managed to cling to the inside of the large funnel leading down to the buzzsaws. Meanwhile, the other hand ran over & climbed the ladder. It reached the top, ran to the edge of the hole, & looked down, seeing the other hand slipping towards the blades. It reached its finger down, while the other tried to reach up with its middle finger. They reached far, until both the hands grabbed each other. Then, with all its might, the hand on the edge of the grinder pulled the other hand up from certain doom. However, the might also made it lean back too far, & it fell. The other hand got up and looked down, & got a look of horror at what it saw. The other hand was running on a pair of exposed gears that were going very fast. The hand could do nothing but cover its "eyes". Just then, Ralph came in with a net on the catwalk. He looked left, then right for the hands. Then he looked down, & what he saw made him horrified.

"AAAAHH!!" Ralph screamed. The hand on the gears was now being pulled in between them, & crushed into mush. The machine then started to slow to a stop from having crushed hand in its mechanism. Once it was stopped, the gears started to go in reverse & spit out a brown lumpy mush of what was left of the hand. The other hand uncovered its "eyes" & looked down at what was left of the other in sadness. It then collapsed to its "knees" & started to cry. Ralph was also a little sad that he couldn't save the hand. However, while everybody was mourning the loss, the bunny to whom the hands owed money had climbed to the top of the ladder & grabbed the crying hand.

"Now for you!" She said. She prepared to throw the hand into the meat grinder, but a net came down over her before she could. "Hey!" She shouted as the net pulled her off the machine. Ralph, who was holding the net, used it to lift her off the ground upside-down, holding her there as she thrashed about in the net. "Hey, hey, what the hell!?" She said. "Lemme go!" While she was thrashing about, the hand managed to release itself from her grasp. It leapt to the floor & ran off. "Yo!" She shouted. Ralph looked past her & saw the hand running off. He threw the net, with the woman in it, over his shoulder & ran after the hand. "Hey, you bastard!" The woman shouted in the net, though Ralph wasn't listening. The hand ran out the back door of the factory with Ralph close behind. It took a left & ran down an alleyway with Ralph following, trying to get it. The two ran down the alley into a lot full of identical-looking people dressed in yellow bras with red spots, pink skirts, red roller skates, yellow gloves, & sunglasses with red rims. The hand leapt into the… hands of one of the people, then jumped into his bra. Ralph ran up to the man.

"Hey, yous!" He shouted. While the person continued to roller skate, Ralph jumped on him from behind. The hand however, simply leapt into the bra of the next skating person ahead. Ralph did the same, leaping onto his back. The skater struggled to stay up with a large man on his back, continuously skating forward until he hit a cement ramp. The hand was launched forward, still inside the bra., causing the bra straps to stretch very far. The hand, still inside the bra, grabbed onto a sign beyond the ramp from where they were & held tight. Meanwhile, the other skaters, hand-in-hand, skated by, with the skater on the end grabbing Ralph's shirt, intent on pulling him along, causing the shirt to stretch. The hand held onto the sign with all its might, while Ralph did the same to the skater he was on the back of, as did the other skater to his shirt. However, after a while, the skater Ralph held on to slipped out of his grip, & was launched head-first into the sign, smacking his face against it after the sign, acting like a catapult, launched the hand out of the rink. Ralph was pulled back with tremendous force into the line of skaters, causing all of them to fall into a large pile. Ralph crawled out of said pile & looked up, seeing the hand sail over a chain-link fence with a sign on it reading "Danger, Toxic Waste, swimming not permitted". The hand landed on the top of the fence, but slipped over to the other side, on which there was a large glowing green river, with large pipes dumping toxic waste into it. Luckily the hand managed to grab the edge before it could fall in. Several pebbles fell into the river, creating a loud hissing noise when they splashed, being dissolved by the toxic waste. The hand pulled itself back onto the top of the fence, stood up, then turned around, got down on its "knees", & looked down at the toxic waste river. It got up & looked down at the waste like he was contemplating jumping in. Meanwhile, Ralph had run over to the fence & began climbing up to get to the hand. The hand looked up & several tears fell from its "eyes" as it remembered the other hand. It looked & saw the exhaust from the factory take on the form of the deceased hand. It heard Ralph climbing the fence to reach it, & turned its "head" to look at him over its "shoulder". Then it looked back down at the toxic waste river. Deciding life was too painful without its other half, the hand decided it would end it then & there. It covered its "eyes" & lifted its "leg" over the river, ready to fall off & into it. Meanwhile, Ralph scrambled up the fence, slipping some, to reach the hand. Just as the hand was ready to jump over though, it was seized in somebody's clutch.

"I gotcha!" Ralph shouted, his clutch being the one that had caught the hand. Ralph looked down, seeing the river & realizing what the hand had almost done. "Ewh." Ralph groaned before pulling out a pair of handcuffs & slapping one of them on the hand. He looked down at the hand sadly, remembering the emotional pain he was in, & feeling sorry that he had to do this to it. However, remembering what he had to do, he then spoke up.

"C'mon, c'mon, I gotta takes yous home." He said.

Then fades to a scene outside of a theatre with flashing neon lights saying "Bumblebee Man" around a picture of a pair of hands. Pan down to show several people cheering & lining up round the corner to see Bumblebee Man perform. Then fades to the inside of the theatre, showing people in seats cheering for Bumblebee Man while his band is on stage. Then fade to a shot of backstage, with Bumblebee Man looking out at the stage with a forlorn expression on his face, knowing that he can't perform without his hands. Lana walks up behind him, sad for him.

"I'm sorry, mi chulito." She said. Bumblebee Man turned around & they both hugged so that Lana could comfort him. Then they heard what sounded like Ralph coming in, chanting a rather off-key tune.

"I got it, I got it, I got it, got it, got it, I got it, I got it!!" He chanted with pride, walking in with the hand in handcuffs, & the mushed remains of the other in a plastic bag, with Hello Nurse by his side. They walked up to Bumblebee Man showing him the hand. However, Bumblebee Man didn't look pleased.

"It?" He asked, facing Ralph. "What happened to the other one, man?" Ralph got a sad look on his face, remembering what happened to the other hand, then showed Bumblebee Man the bag containing what remained of the other hand, causing Bumblebee Man to clench his face in anger that Ralph let this happen to his hand.

"Little accidents." He said, sounding sorry. Then Big Giovanni's voice was heard.

"Little accident, my ass." The voice said, causing all present to look over at the source of the voice. Then cut to a scene of Big Giovanni sitting in his hovering chair. Standing on both sides of him were men in black uniforms with a big red R embroidered on the shirt. Big Giovanni pointed to the four people now in front of him. "You whiney bunch of losers!" He said. "How can I get anything done when I am surrounded by inept freaks like you?! A clumsy idiot, a gimp bongo beater, an overweight voodoo doll dressed like a nurse, & a mistisa nymphomaniac!" He shouted, referring to Ralph, Bumblebee Man, Hello Nurse, & Lana respectively. "You're all fired!!" He shouted at them. "I can find myself some new talent! At least my Granbulls are gonna be happy tonight!" He then snapped his fingers, telling the men at his side to dispose of the quarter he fired. One of them walked up & grabbed Lana from behind by the arms, causing her to lash out in a struggle, trying to get free.

"Aah!!" She shouted as she thrashed about. Just then, Bumblebee Man spoke up.

"Wait, boss." He said, walking right up to Big Giovanni. "Give me a chance." He stated. "I can bring down the house with 1 hand tied behind my back." The other hand simply looked at Bumblebee Man, then covered its "eyes" at remembering the loss of the other hand. Bumblebee Man & Big Giovanni looked at each other for some time, then Hello Nurse began rummaging through her purse. Everybody looked at her as she rummaged, then pulled out a needle & thread.

"Let's fix you up, then." She said. Then fades to a shot of the stage from the crowd. A man in a blue suit with brown hair & a mustache walked on stage, addressing the crowd.

"& now, here he is at last." He said into a microphone to the crowd. "The world's premiere congolera. Ladies & gentleman, toons of all shapes & sizes, Bumblebee Man!!" The crowd let out a great big cheer as Bumblebee Man walked on stage, his arms concealed behind his back. He took his place on stage behind the bongo drums, paused a bit, then held out his left hand, which was reattached to the arm. He wiggled the fingers to make sure it worked, then brought the hand down onto the drum & started playing it, surprising the crowd by his talent. Ralph, Hello Nurse, & Big Giovanni watched him play, Ralph in particular being fixated on his hand to the point he was mesmerized by it. As Bumblebee Man continued to play, the crowd started to show signs they were liking it. Ralph shed a single tear at watching the hand play by itself, then looked over at big Giovanni, who seemed to like what was developing in the crowd, as it meant more money for him. Ralph looked back at the hand on stage playing the bongo. Big Giovanni looked out at the crowd, & they all looked like they really loved the song. Giovanni smiled at this & patted the armrests of his chair to the beat, thinking about all the money he'd make tonight. He looked over at Ralph, then reached over & grabbed the handcuffs from his clutches. Ralph looked at Big Giovanni as he did this, then looked back at the hand on stage. Several more tears fell from Ralph's eyes, then he looked to his left, seeing the light switch. He reached over & pulled the lever down, plunging the whole theatre into darkness. He then went over &, in all the confusion, punched Big Giovanni square in the face, sending him flying across the backstage. Lana let out a scream, & Ralph walked up to Bumblebee Man, grabbed him, then his hand, brought out a knife, & brought it down on the hand, chopping it off his arm again.

"NOOOOOOOO!!" Bumblebee Man screamed in horror & pain. "AAAAAAHHH, NOOOOOO!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Then fades to a scene of a dirt road in the middle of the desert. A hovercar is seen driving down it, then cut to a shot of the inside. Ralph is seen driving the car, listening to music on the radio, tapping his hands on the wheel, not to the beat. He looks over at the passenger seat of the car, Bumblebee Man's freshly cut off hand in the seat next to him. He put his free hand next to Bumblebee Man's, who snuggled up to it lovingly, hearts coming up from them. It then crawled up Ralph's arm & sat on his shoulder, snuggling up to his face, & they stared at each other lovingly. Then cuts to a bird's-eye view of the hovercar driving down the street, panning out a bit to show a hovering camera robot watching the car. Then cuts to a scene of Big Giovanni watching the live-feed from the hovering camera of Ralph's car driving off.

"Puton." Big Giovanni simply said, then lay back into the tub. Then fade to black.

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The camera fades back to Moe at the Mos Eisley Cantina, once again washing a mug & looking at the camera.

"Carmado Mio." Moe said. "Big loss on Bumblebee Man's part there." He then put the mug behind the counter & shrugged. "But hey, can't put a price on love." He then crossed his arms & continued to stare at the camera, then fade to black.

**A/N:Hey there. In case you're wondering, these are something if side-stories of Toon City, which are basically retellings of the Ralph Bakshi cult cartoon, Spicy City. I would like if they were part of Toon City's official storyline, but I don't know if Wormtail96'd go for it. Anyway, since I saw the title of his story, I wanted to do these. Took some time, but eventually, I asked him if I could do this. He seemed alright with it, but I dunno if he wants these as official canon in the story. Either way, these are up. I hope he likes it.**


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